I have learnt a lot from things that might be very irritating to many.
One of my favourites is my city's traffic. It is like the run of a frightened rabbit when the forest catches fire. Driving in Hyderabad in peak hours gives you a feeling that is akin to one's nerves being set on fire. You feel like running faster, you feel like cursing the existence and you feel like going home and drowning yourself in cold water.
But in spite of all these feelings, one day something happens. You are crossing a signal when it glows green... and suddenly one Alexander's reincarnation who is in a super rush, zooms across from the wrong side to give you a sensation as if your heart has just slipped out of your bosom and fell down on the road. You start to open you mouth to explain to the guy, what you actually think of him... but you don't, because he is already gone. You make a head movement from extreme left to the extreme right, three or four times. Then you resign to your fate.
But hold on, just then it happens! Suddenly a very private light flashes in your absolutely private head. A voice booms in full volume... "if you have to work, you have to commute... if you have to commute, you have to shut up and say YES (in caps) to this hell they now call traffic".
So it all begins... now you are absolutely relaxed. Watch traffic and amuse yourself with the variety of ways people can act crazy. When somebody does an incredibly stupid act that the history of city driving has ever seen, you simply bestow upon the person, your best sarcastic smile that you have practiced while brushing your teeth that morning.
Now, here are a few things I have learned:
1. Never trust anyone who gives a side indicator. He might have been a weak student in kindergarten who might have failed his which is Left & which Right test.
2. One's own honking is one's most pleasant music. He relishes in his honking harmony, so he keeps playing his honk tune all the way to office and home. If you don't have your earplugs and music on, it's your problem.
3. People are like babies. They are absolutely innocent and so they they don't necessarily have to know that you exist. For example, you are there on the road, and someone pulls into your line of drive making you swagger. But come on, look at him... that chweet innocent baby, how should he know you are there and you will feel bad, haan?
4. Rules of the road in Hyderabad are different. If you do something stupid, it is you who is supposed to shout on the person who took the thrust of your mysterious driving techniques.
5. And people are like cattle. Simply bovine by nature. Just look at them, they stop on a narrow flyover to attend a phone call, they have to SMS their opposite sex while at a signal - irrespective of the colour of the signal... they can, without any hesitation, spit anywhere or throw that empty chips bag anywhere or they can even MOO aloud, I mean converse with their friends on phone or in person, at the pitch of their voice about things we fellow commuters might not be actually, interested in.
To conclude, I would like to take off my imaginary hat (we don't wear hats in India any more after our ex-bosses left). Yeah, I would say "Hats off" to the Ceat Tyres commercial they keep showing on Television. It shows a super stupid guy crossing the road with balloons. He is in the middle of the road and a bike screeches to a halt... guess what? The balloon guy shouts at the biker... "can't you watch the road while you drive?" And then a voice over says "There is no dearth of Idiots on the roads..." so you need Ceat tyres or something. And Lo! The word "idiot" is imprinted permanently on your psyche. Whenever you see someone riding like Will Smith in I am Legend... like he is the only person left on planet Earth, you can happily shake your head and say "Wow! That one is an award winning Idiot!"...
